Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
