sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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