weddingsv make me drug and hornr
your room smells of hookers.
And success
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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