he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
