Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
