btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
