Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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