I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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