If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
