I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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