I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize