i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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