a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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