the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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