im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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