i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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