i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
