so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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