Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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