thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
