Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
