I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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