2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
