so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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