Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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