I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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