It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
