i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
