Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
