Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
