Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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