You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
