Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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