yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize