I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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