Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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