he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
the raccoons are back...
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