So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
