yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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