I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize