How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
