if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
