went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize