He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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