why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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