4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
