now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
