Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
