i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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