im drinking this country out of the recession.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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