dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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