So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are leaves in my underwear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
