There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
