i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
