i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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