I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's the barista slut.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
