One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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