My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
