oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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