My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
