So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
